It’s funny how our convictions shift. My journey to Kenya (most journeys actually) started with mixed emotions. Since my youth, and definitely since my turn to Christ, I have felt a sharp conviction to follow Christ’s command to go make disciples. My chronic interest in international peoples and travel have led me (along with my family) to investigate serving the Lord internationally. And yet, I distinctly remember, in the early days of my walk with the Lord, specifically requesting that I be excluded from service in Africa. Should have requested Hawaii, I suppose.
After receiving what has clearly shown itself to be God’s call to go to Kenya’s Rift Valley Academy, however, I have undergone some interesting changes in thought. Initially, if I am being honest, my heart wrestled with this lie, “I don’t really want to go to Africa, but God’s probably going to send me there! That’s just how he is.”
I think I viewed God as a kind of missional dispatcher, sending his servants out like New York cab drivers to whatever nasty neighborhood that needed service, and not certainly to where the poor servant wanted to go! The simple fact that Laurel and I were sensing a call to RVA proved that in order to serve, you had to serve where you’d rather not be. To truly serve God is to suffer, right?
And yet, God clearly knows me much better than I do myself. Now I am experiencing a new and unique twist in my persisting negativism, “Now I really want to go, and God’s probably not going to send me. That’s just how He is.” The irony is, of course, that God is sending me not only exactly where He wants me, but ultimately, to exactly where I want to be! Even if I never get to go . . . excuse me?!
God can transform even the most stubborn, confused, irrational, oppositional hearts into ones that desperately crave His love, His leading, His discipline, His testing, and His grace. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! (2 Corinthians 5:17) But the old is slow to go! I still think I know what I want – what is funny is that God still knows better! Even if I think I know what I want, where I want to go, what I want to do – God, in his mercy, is patient and leads me out of the darkness of my own kingdom into His perfect one. I’d rather be there, truthfully, and it is only fear that fools me into thinking otherwise. But God’s got that one on his to do list too, I imagine!
I was speaking with one of my daughters tonight, and in the midst of our conversation she tells me of something she heard once. It had to do with men at the ripe old age of 50 (53 in my case) and comparing them now to the time when they were 20 (23?). If they were the same, they had wasted some 30 years. But, ouch and ouch...I have done some substantial growing, and the best of that lead by God.
ReplyDeleteI take satisfaction in the fact that I have finally gotten to a point of maturity, where I am able to allow God to lead. I am a better husband for it, father (?), son, friend, co-worker, and acquaintance. The only right decisions I feel I have made in my life, have been the one's I felt were not mine, but God's. There is just too much room for error if the decision is made by me.
You my bro Karl, are showing God's leadership in your life. I am so pleased to see you open to God's direction. Whatever befalls upon you can ultimately only become a blessing, as God is directing your paths. Your family follows you by the hand, with maybe a little aprehensive tugging. But, this is your journey, about your service to God, with your understanding of who God is to you and what he is in your life. The others, from family to friends may not see this vision given you, but they will partake in you triumphs and your sorrows, as will your sister and I.
And, your wife...a "good thing". Hand in hand she seems to take the lead once in a while, yes? ("aye" if your in Canada). You are a blessed man of God, and the woman who has you shares your vision, helps you set goals, works with you for God's success.
So you receive, guidance, love, encouragement, discouragement, pessimism, optimism, and so much more. Lay it down before your Lord. He will tell you truth of it, and you will continue to move for His glory. As you have said, God is the one who knows you, who you are and what you need.
I like what you've written here. 8-]